Visits with friends and family in California

My sister Andrea and her partner Stacy own land in the Gold Country, northeast of Sacramento. It was wonderful to share time with Andrea there when the dogwood trees were turning red. The land has many varieties of trees and two creeks to make friends with. We visited a lovely area of waterfalls within walking distance of their place and saw a bear during our walk.

It was great to visit with family after so much time alone!


October 28th: I got another taste of that lonely loose-ends sensation after Andrea left in the late afternoon, but I had a major breakthrough. I am beginning to welcome this feeling as an invitation from/to Spirit and a reminder to be here now. Pema Chodron in her book "When Things Fall Apart" says: "When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize that this is a very vulnerable and tender place, and that tenderness can go either way. We can shut down and feel resentful or we can touch in on that throbbing quality. ....Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart....again and again. Its just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen; room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." So I made a bonfire, smoked my kinkkickinick and let darkness descend and the nearly full moon rise as I settled into the quiet.

Later that week, I drove north to Mt. Shasta and visited my dear friend Tom, a man who I have considered my "brother" since we became close when we were still in high school in Yakima. What a gift it is to have a dear brother like Tom who has watched my changes over the 35 years since were teenagers and interwoven his life with mine as our daughters grew up. And here we are again, sharing life at a new place and time.

It was the first time I had spent any time with Tom's wife Louise and we found ourselves to be kindred souls. She also has been reading Eckhardt Tolle and Pema Chodron!! Here we are feeling the energy of the old trees at 10,000 feet in the high country of Mt. Shasta.


And here are Tom and Louise with Mt. Shasta behind them (not so visible). What a splendid visit we had sharing all that was in our hearts and lives. They too have just experienced first-hand the failure that follows success as their thriving business suddenly collapsed. So they created new life out of the ashes and have moved to the lovely hamlet of Mt. Shasta, are starting over again. Perhaps I will move down there to join them in an intentional community!

The last week of my trip I spent at Lost Valley, an intentional community near Eugene Oregon where I had visited in late July for a ritual week-end with Sobonfu, my African ritual teacher. I had wanted to come back to visit and learn more about the community, so I stopped on my way back north, bartering two drum workshops for some of my fees for a workshop (Naka Ima) I decided to attend without really knowing why or what I was getting myself into, just following Spirit's call.

(This photo is me and Alexis at Lost Valley, 3 months after we shaved eachother's hair off as a symbol of letting go of the past and our willingness to open to the unknowns of the future )


Nov 8th: I am at for Lost Valley Naka Ima, which seems to be a personal growth opportunity, a kind of intensive group therapy as near as I can tell after talking about it with Alexis, the young woman who shaved my hair off when I was visiting here before. I am happy enough to have an opportunity to work through the last of my deep feelings stirred up by the events of last summer. And what a blessing to have a little room to hang out in, warmed by a little heater; its COLD out despite clear skies. It looks like my timing was perfect in terms of ending my outdoor time just as the weather turned. I’m happily cozied in this simple room doing my morning meditation and pondering my tarot reading and my life and the opportunity posed by this time at Lost Valley. I’m bleeding again today, such a surprise, but a gift especially since I have much open space to be quiet and centered today and tomorrow and can use the extra insight offered by my moontime. I plan to go soak at a nearby hot springs and let the healing waters baptize me, marking the end of my weeks of deep soltitude and my re-emergence into the “community”.


As I drove yesterday, my head was busy and I talked aloud a lot which I tried to quiet and harness, especially when I found myself cranking about the flare up I had with a friend by e-mail which I’ve replayed 100 times and need to STOP! On the other hand, I had some good insights and articulated some prayers for the upcoming year. In summary, I recognize that I feel some empty spaces in my support system with my former boyfriend retreating, Chalice being involved in the her city life and Donna and Alan moving away. I need to connect more deeply with others as a result. In this upcoming year, I will call this forward with my prayers.